Doug Frazee returned today for the first time in three years. I remember his doo-rag and him congratulating me that I had a “little bit of rank” the first time I came to class after my yellow belt test. After that Saturday morning, I maybe saw him once or twice, but that was about it.
I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that part of me was comparing myself and my karate to his. I’d like to think some of it looked pretty good to an outside observer.
However, his return also made me think about where I was in my life then. My wife and family were still living in our old, too-small house. My dad was still alive, but going downhill fast , and I felt the stress caused by his failing health daily. Ben had insisted that I take karate class with him, and shortly thereafter Claire wanted to participate as well. Karate became an outlet that I looked forward to, whether with the kids or alone. I enjoyed getting up early on Saturday mornings, and practicing at night after everone else had fallen asleep.
After training for three or four months, I had been exposed to two kata and felt overwhelmed by all the new things that came up each week. Now, I have twelve to work on, although I perform each with varying degrees of accomplishment. I don’t feel like I struggle with the basics anymore like I did then. Overall, I feel more confident, and by virtue of having continued over that time, today I felt a certain amount of pride in how my technique has progressed. Those feelings were quickly tempered by the recognition of the mistakes I was still making, and an understanding of how much more I still have to learn.
It also occurred to me what a big deal it is for Doug to have returned after all that time – it’s hard enough for me to pick things back up after a short hiatus! From the things he said during class, he obviously felt self-conscious. I’m sure he felt out of shape and aware of the rust in his technique. It’s always humbling to hear Sensai’s corrections and realise they’re directed at least in part to you. I still feel all of that at some point every time I go to the dojo, and I can only imagine how that would be amplified for him in this situation. But, at the end, I always learn some things and feel good physically and mentally after working out.
I have no idea the circumstances of his return, or if he’ll continue after today. I hope so, if it’s important to him. Whatever that decision, it is important to me, and Sempai’s frequent reminder that, “It’s your karate.” resonates more with me all the time.
I think that fundamentally, the dojo is an accepting and welcoming place – the kind of place you want to come back to years later. That’s something that isn’t easy to find. It takes time to earn your way in fully, but I think it’s nearly always an option if you’re willing to work. I’m grateful for that, for the luck of having found shuch a place, and for having had the good sense to make the most of it and make Matsubayashi-ryu part of my life.